Monthly Archives: April 2014

New Line of Conducting Batons

It has come to my attention recently that there are certain composers whose music is inherently more suitable for more “feminine” conductors at its helm, whereas other more masculine and less fluffy composers’ works should only be conducted by men.

This is a serious issue for the world of classical music, and its implications are vast and potentially terrifying. Therefore, at the suggestion and under the inspiration of female “conductor” and thus, obviously, fluffy-music specialist Liz Garnett, I have begun work on an entire line of batons to assist inadequately gender-matched conductors in their efforts to conduct works of the composers for whose music they are not naturally inclined to be proficient.

The prototype for the first in this line: the Debussy:

pink baton


What do you think? Gentlemen, will this help you to Get Your Girly On when you go knock around the Nocturnes?

Hell to the no.

Igor Strawinsky

Igor say, “This chick rocks Les Noces”

I can’t believe we are still seeing articles like this:

“Women conductors? It’s not getting any better, only worse.”

(I suppose my blogging about it and spreading this dinosaur’s archaic idiocy is part of the problem in the “we are still seeing” department, but I must rant.)

Although I must also point out my favorite comment, where Liz Garnett suggests in response to Maestro’s suggestion that women could conduct Debussy but nothing serious like Stravinsky or Bruckner, “Guys, you should try directing La Mer with a pink sparkly baton, you get a much more authentic sound…”

(Liz Garnett is my hero. I’m practically a fangrl. Here’s a link to her blog--I highly recommend it!)

At least Salonen comes out on the right side of history on this one. I get more disturbed when young guys come out with this kind of garbage.

And for the record, I can conduct the s**t out of Stravinsky. So freaking there.