Happy Scared Dance

The audition was AWESOME.

Okay, the written text sucked. Which it wouldn’t have if they’d given us SOME idea of what to study for. I haven’t been in a lit class since 1991, and I don’t currently have any accessible hard drive space in my brain assigned to Obscure German Mahler Symphony Tempo Markings. I recognized that they were Mahler, though–no one else marks their symphonies in that sort of seat-of-the-pants “I’m a German Romantic and none of the Italian terms really work for me so instead I’ll just make some ScheiB up” manner. (Except maybe Wagner.)  I don’t carry exact instrumental listings for the War Requiem in my brain in a place where I can randomly access them. And who the hell hands out a sonata allegro excerpt for a formal analysis, but chops off the excerpt before the recapitulation? Guess what–you can’t really identify exposition and development unless you know where the recap is. Period. But I nailed the aural, which was easy, I had so much fun in the 15 minutes with their top-story choir that I forgot the department head was there listening, and the interview was really good–whether I’m the right person for the program or not, I felt like I presented myself well, and if I’m not the right person it won’t be because I screwed up, it’ll be because one of the other people maybe fit a little better. And the Highly Formal And Scholarly department head with whom I interviewed did some smiling and laughing near the end, relaxing a good bit from his initially very intimidating presentation.

And it was fun. Seriously. A fun, fun day. Again, I take that as a really good sign.

And now I’m like, CRAP. What if I do get in? Am I really ready, in my mid-40’s, to commit to a 3-hour round trip commute 5 days a week for the next two years to be a student again, make no money, STILL probably never see my family, and have my brain hurt from overuse? And then a couple more years, still with no money, to do exams and thesis?

Is it March yet? This limbo state sucks…

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