Monthly Archives: February 2011

Happy Scared Dance

The audition was AWESOME.

Okay, the written text sucked. Which it wouldn’t have if they’d given us SOME idea of what to study for. I haven’t been in a lit class since 1991, and I don’t currently have any accessible hard drive space in my brain assigned to Obscure German Mahler Symphony Tempo Markings. I recognized that they were Mahler, though–no one else marks their symphonies in that sort of seat-of-the-pants “I’m a German Romantic and none of the Italian terms really work for me so instead I’ll just make some ScheiB up” manner. (Except maybe Wagner.)  I don’t carry exact instrumental listings for the War Requiem in my brain in a place where I can randomly access them. And who the hell hands out a sonata allegro excerpt for a formal analysis, but chops off the excerpt before the recapitulation? Guess what–you can’t really identify exposition and development unless you know where the recap is. Period. But I nailed the aural, which was easy, I had so much fun in the 15 minutes with their top-story choir that I forgot the department head was there listening, and the interview was really good–whether I’m the right person for the program or not, I felt like I presented myself well, and if I’m not the right person it won’t be because I screwed up, it’ll be because one of the other people maybe fit a little better. And the Highly Formal And Scholarly department head with whom I interviewed did some smiling and laughing near the end, relaxing a good bit from his initially very intimidating presentation.

And it was fun. Seriously. A fun, fun day. Again, I take that as a really good sign.

And now I’m like, CRAP. What if I do get in? Am I really ready, in my mid-40’s, to commit to a 3-hour round trip commute 5 days a week for the next two years to be a student again, make no money, STILL probably never see my family, and have my brain hurt from overuse? And then a couple more years, still with no money, to do exams and thesis?

Is it March yet? This limbo state sucks…

Getting the brain in gear

I got a callback for one of my schools.

Whew. I was having moments there where I was thinking, “crap, I’m so in over my head, I’ve so lost my chops over the past twenty years of schlubbing through the real world having my sharpness blunted by the mundane, that they don’t even want to see me in person…crap…”

Fortunately they were just behind schedule and it took them too long to get back to us. There are four of us. And now I’m preparing again, really preparing, at a level I haven’t had to prepare in years…

It’s fun. I’m thinking the fact that it’s fun is a good sign.